The Art of Asking: How To Ask Questions The “Right” Way To Build Relationships

The ability to ask intriguing questions always came naturally to me. It stems from my genuine curiosity in others and love for learning about their life. 

Overtime, I noticed the depth in conversations I would have with all kinds of people. We’d go from talking about surface level things like where we live and where we work. Then topics would pivot into those subjects they often warn you not to discuss with someone new — religion, love, aspirations and whatever else that was on our hearts at the moment.

Through these conversations, I learned people love to talk about themselves and feel special when someone asks about their own thoughts and experiences. It also helped build relationships beyond the surface. 

There is truly an art to asking questions to where the people receive it and feel comfortable to open up. Here’s some tips on how to ask questions the “right” way to build relationships:

Create a Safe Space

Being non-judgemental, a good listener and remembering there are no stupid questions allows you to establish a level of openness while conversing with others. This eases someone’s guard and helps them talk freely about what matters most to them. In tough conversations, beginning questions with “if you don’t mind me asking” can ease their defenses. Maintaining eye contact is also important and shows that you are focused on what the other person is saying.

Lead with Empathy

Be mindful of the questions you’re asking someone. Snarky, rude, judgemental, sarcastic, or condescending tones can derail the conversation.When asking questions, come from a place of honest curiosity and deliver your question with respect. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes to better determine what they’d feel comfortable answering. It also helps to read the room to determine the right time and place to ask a sensitive or tough question.

Ask Open-ended Questions

Open-ended questions go beyond receiving the typical “yes” or “no” answer. They’re thought-provoking and are often answered with deep thought. They allow you to learn more about a person through their opinions, experiences, and inner thoughts. This site offers a great list of open-ended questions you can ask to build relationships.

Ask Follow-up Questions

After someone answers your question, don’t just gloss over what they said. Acknowledge it. For example, you can let them know what they said is interesting, you can relate to it, or add to their thoughts before getting into yours. This will let the other person know what they said matters and you appreciate what they shared.